Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Why I Can't Change People

I used to try and change my mother so she could be a certain way so I could love her. Because she knew I wasn't accepting her as she is, our relationship was very painful at times.

Then I came to realise that because each individual is the sum total of their expectations, experiences and world view, everyone is perfect as they are in every moment.

When I applied this insight to my relationship with my mother and just accepted her as she is, our relationship got better and better. It's not that either of us changed as people; we both have very strong personalities and know what we like and don't like. But we can love each other anyway whether we are in agreement or not. And the more I loved her the more she blossoms and reveals different facets of herself to love.

Although I apply the same principle to all my relationships, whether it's people I'm close to or not, and the universe at large, I have to say it's not always easy loving when I find the personality of the individual irritating. That's when I call on Love, the Arbitrator, and letting Love do the work of healing and dissolving grievances and making things right between us.

For me, letting Love do the work of cleansing is rather like putting clothes into a washing machine and leaving the machine to do what it's been programmed to do. Just like the machine lets you know when the cycle is finished and the clothes are clean, I always know when Love has done Her work because the relationship is clearly transformed.

I can't change someone but I can change my relationship with that individual by either loving them or asking Love to help me love them.


Related articles: Unconditional Belief; On Patience; The Arbitrator; Releasing My Truth Missile; The God Function; Too Hot to Handle?; The Greatest Gift is Love; The Alien; Cat Fight; Correction!  I Only Want to Love and Be Love